


together but not as one

by Cordetta



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Asexual Character, M/M, aroace!Luke, well he's figuring it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 23:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6446431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cordetta/pseuds/Cordetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For years Luke has known that he was missing something that everyone else seemed to naturally understand. After a conversation with Wedge he thinks he might have worked out what’s going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this work was inspired by that time Mark Hamill told us all that Luke didn't have to be straight and I cried because Luke had always been a character I'd held onto as sharing my own experiences
> 
> And so I wrote a fic about it.

Luke scrubbed his face and looked at himself in the mirror. The years of fighting was beginning to show on his face, the tiny scar that split his left eyebrow, the weary look in his eyes. But this wasn’t what Luke Skywalker was looking for today. He was searching, searching for a very different look, the slightest hint that would confirm or deny what he’s been suspecting more and more recently.

“I think I might be gay,” he whispered to his reflection. It felt good to say it, brave even, but still not quite right. The word was discomforting as it rested on his tongue and he shook his head in frustration.

Three years had passed since he’d travelled across the galaxy with a Jedi Knight and a pair of smugglers to rescue a princess. Three years since he’d realised that the way he thought about girls was not the way Han or Leia did. He’d thought about asking Chewbacca, to find out if it was just a difference in culture, but his Shyriiwook wasn’t yet good enough for such an intense conversation, and he knew he could never ask Han to translate. So he said nothing, and his vague feeling that he was missing some vital piece of information morphed into a feeling of forced hilarity for a joke he was still waiting to hear.

Every now and again, Leia would approach him to ask if he’d go to dinner with one of her friends and Luke would oblige, happy to be the source of distraction when tension from the war became unbearable. But he was content with his new family, happy to finally be away from Tatooine, to be flying, to continue his Jedi training, to build a new life away from the Empire.

Which brought him to earlier this very evening.

    ~ * ~ * ~ * ~                       ~ * ~ * ~ * ~                       ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

“LUKE, HEY LUKE!”

The sound of his name made Luke jerk upright from his place where he’d been watching the sunset, violet glow illuminating the clouds above him.

“Wedge,” he called back, his expression falling back into an easy smile as he recognised the man striding across the airfield. “How was the mission? Red Squadron holding up well?”

“You’ll be back flying with us before you know it,” said Wedge. He held out his hand and pulled the smaller man first to his feet, and then into a hug. “That is, unless Jedi have other ways of travelling between systems?”

“Not that I’ve found so far,” said Luke. “How long are you here?”

“A couple of days, then we’ve got a couple of mercy missions to run. I was hoping I could persuade you to show me some of the local cuisine before I left.”

“So long as you provide the creds,” Luke grinned. “But don’t worry, I’m a cheap date.”

Wegde laughed loudly but the sound was more strained than Luke remembered. He looked carefully at his friend, taking in the lines around his eyes and the downturn of his mouth. Luke suspected that the mission hadn’t been as easy on Wedge as he was making it out to be and yet he didn’t question him. He’d learnt long ago that Wedge didn’t like prying, only company – Luke’s company – when the war was catching up to him.

“I’ve got to go debrief the Council,” Wedge said. “So I’ll pick you up from your quarters at eight, Galactic Standard?”

“I’ll see you then,” promised Luke.

*                                             *                                             *

The pair huddled together in their small booth and Luke relaxed as he began pointing out the different meals.

“They’ve got this shaal dish that’s really nice, traditional Twi’lek seasoning and local vegetables, I haven’t asked what they are yet though, or this stew that I think they make from one of the native birds –”

“Luke,” said Wedge, placing a hand gently on Luke’s arm. “Look before we order, I just want to talk.”

Luke hesitated, and Wedge seized his opportunity.

“I like you Luke. A lot.”

Luke looked at him, and the corner of his mouth quirked upwards.

“Thanks Wedge, I like you too.”

“No, Luke,” said Wedge, and he drew cautiously away from the younger man. “I like you, I want this to be more than two friends catching up and swapping stories from the war.”

Luke shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Weren’t we always more than that?”

Wedge forced himself to look into Luke’s eyes which were wide and confused. “Luke, I’m gay,” he said bluntly. “I want to be your boyfriend.”

Luke considered this. Of course, he had known before tonight that Wedge was gay, his Corellian friend had never attempted to hide the fact. Boyfriend however? This was a relationship that Luke had never dwelled on for more than a passing moment. He knew that he liked Wedge, a lot more than the girls Leia had set him up with in the past. _Maybe this is what people mean when they say they had an attraction to someone._

“Can I think about it?” asked Luke.

Wedge looked surprised and then smiled tightly at Luke. “‘Course you can,” he said.

    ~ * ~ * ~ * ~                       ~ * ~ * ~ * ~                       ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It made sense to Luke. After all, he’d never particularly noticed any girl before. Sure he knew when they were pretty, but he’d never connected with anyone as instantly as he had with Wedge. He knew that he wanted to be where Wedge was, he admired Wedge both as a pilot and as a person, and he knew Wedge was good looking. Boyfriend may have never occurred to Luke before today, but it clearly had to Wedge and after all, Wedge was the one who knew he was gay.

Whatever Luke was, he knew that he wasn’t straight. Gay was as good a descriptor as any for the time being.

He walked over to Wedge’s quarters and knocked on the door. Without even waiting to say hello, he stepped inside and looked Wedge square in the eye.

“I think I’d like to try.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Wedge are formally dating but Luke can’t help but feel uncomfortable about some of Wedge’s actions. One break up later and Wedge helps Luke find some answers

Luke tensed as he felt strong arms curl around his chest.

“Relax, it’s me,” whispered Wedge’s voice in his ear. “No one’s going to hurt you whilst I’m around.”

 _‘Right_ ,’ thought Luke. ‘ _My boyfriend._ ’ It had taken three weeks for Luke to automatically associate those words with Wedge, and his boyfriend seemed to be under the impression that that he was scared of getting hurt. Wedge was always reassuring him, as though Luke’s natural responses weren’t quite that of a best friend – _boy_ friend. Luke felt his stomach squirm again and he ducked neatly under Wedge’s arms and smiled instead.

“Never doubted it for a second,” he said, trying to ignore the way his skin crawled when Wedge touched him with warm skin and gentle hands. Luke knew this wasn’t how couples acted, he’d seen enough relationships forming around him to know that much. But he couldn’t seem to help it and he knew Wedge was starting to feel hurt by his lack of responsiveness.

Wedge sighed and clambered over the sofa to sit next to him. “Do you want to watch a holovid together?” he asked.

Luke nodded, relieved that that was all Wedge had in mind for the night. Somehow, this whole boyfriend thing seemed a lot easier when they were able to hang out like they used to – as best friends, inseparable and always having each other’s back.

The vid had barely started when Luke began to feel a cold tendril of dread beginning to coil in his stomach once more. At first, he couldn’t pinpoint why he was feeling so horrified but when Wedge leaned over to rest his head on Luke’s shoulder and the feeling intensified Luke suddenly realised what had been causing all of his antsy behaviour.

“Wedge,” he said with a voice that wavered as much as his hands that pushed Wedge away. “Something’s not right here.”

Wedge stayed still for a moment, stunned, and then pulled back from Luke. He could see the younger man looked sick and that Luke was avoiding his gaze.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in the gentlest voice he could muster.

Luke still refused to look up at him.

“Luke, talk to me,” said Wedge worriedly. “Are you sick? Hurt? You’re my boyfri–  ”

Luke flinched and Wedge stopped mid sentence.

“Are you unhappy?” he asked.

Luke was wound tighter than a coiled spring and still would not say a word but he managed to give a quick shake of his head.

“Something is bothering you Luke, and I want to help.”

Luke opened his mouth. Closed it again. Opened it once more and Wedge nearly missed what his friend said to him.

“You’re my best friend,” whispered Luke. “But this doesn’t feel right and all the touching and the, the,”

“We don’t have to do this,” said Wedge. “It’s clear you need some time to work through this idea but I can help you with that.”

“I don’t,” began Luke. “No, I mean, I want you, you’re my best friend but every time you touch me like you want something else, I want to get away and I know that this isn’t how boyfriends act I’ve _seen_ other people and all they want to do is be together but it makes me want to throw up and I thought I could move past it, that it’d get better but it hasn’t and I can’t make myself say that you’re my boyfriend and kriff I want to but it just DOESN’T. FEEL. RIGHT.”

Wedge stared at Luke and smiled. Luke glared at him in response.

“Are you laughing at me?” he demanded.

“No, no, never,” said Wedge. “Did you think this would happen before you said yes?”

Luke heard the unspoken question – _Is this what you meant when you said you would try?_

“I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend before,” said Luke. He didn’t say it very often and now it felt more like a confession of a crime in the aftermath of his outburst.

“But you’ve had crushes before, what did you see yourself doing with them?” asked Wedge.

Luke gave him a strange look. “What do you mean a crush?”

Wedge laughed and clapped his shoulder. “I suppose the slang’s a little different on Tatooine. You know, when you liked someone?”

“I – I just wanted to be their friend,” said Luke. _That’s what liking someone meant_.

“But more than that, your special friend?”

In a flash, Luke realised what Wedge was asking. It had been a common pastime on Tatooine, one he’d never really understood. Every so often when he was with his friends they’d go around and ask who each other liked. He’d not known what to say the first time and when he’d looked over at Biggs for help, Camie had let out a sudden giggle. “It’s Biggs,” she’d proclaimed, and Luke wasn’t about to argue with her. It was a game with rules that eluded him but it had kept his friends’ spirits high.

“I’ve never liked someone like that before,” he admitted quietly, feeling the old confusion rising again.

Wedge froze, and Luke could feel his sharp eyes on him.

“For anyone?” Wedge clarified.

“Never.”

It felt good to no longer hide it. To finally admit to someone that he didn’t understand this particular diversion that seemed to absorb everybody around him. That there was no special someone, no desire to hold someone close the way he’d seen before on vids.

“You know I’m gay,” said Wedge suddenly and Luke rolled his eyes.

“Yes, thank you, and I thought that was my answer but here we are.”

“Yes, but what I meant to say was that I only have crushes on guys. My special friend is always a guy.”

“Okay,” Luke could see the logic in that, but he wasn’t sure where Wedge wanted it to take him.

“And your friend Han Solo, he only crushes on girls right?”

Luke had never stopped to ask him but he supposed so.

“And Princess Leia, it doesn’t matter, she’s had crushes on girls and guys before.”

“And other genders too,” Luke added automatically. Leia had told him that much at least.

“So he’s straight and she’s pansexual, or maybe bi,” began Wedge.

“Get to the point Wedge,” said Luke irritably. “This doesn’t help me, I still don’t like anyone at all.”

Wedge grinned. “But don’t you see there’s a name for that as well. You’re aromantic, and since you’ve never showed an inclination to ever discuss sex with me, I’m picking you’re asexual as well.”

Luke stared at him.

“There’s a name?” he whispered.

Wedge looked like he’d just given him the best news of the era. _Which_ , Luke supposed, _he had_.

“Sure,” said Wedge. “There are plenty of others too.”

“Really?” said Luke. He could feel hope blossoming in his chest. He was no longer alone; there were others who wanted what he wanted.

Wedge clapped Luke on his shoulder and grinned when his friend no longer tensed beneath his touch. The black cloud that had settled over their relationship had lifted and although Wedge was sorry he couldn’t make his friend happy as a boyfriend he knew one thing.

Seeing Luke smile freely and his eyes light up as his questions spilled out, tripping over his own words in his excitement, Wedge knew that together they had just breathed a new life into their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now Luke and Wedge are formerly dating ;) 
> 
> No but this fic is really personal to me, it wasn't quite how I worked out my own sexuality but it definitely detailed aspects of it.... I'm really touch averse - more so than Luke who I decided only reacted like this when there's a romantic connotation attached because he is wayyyy touchy with his friends and family (there's a key difference between us xD)
> 
> This fic wasn't what I was planning on writing buy I'm glad that it happened the way it did and I've very proud of how it's come out (pun intended).


End file.
